Living in the Moment

"The mind would rather fret about the future or pine over the past - so the mind can cling to its own illusion of control. But the current moment? It cannot be controlled. And what a mind can't control, it tends to discount. Brush off.... pass over." (Taken from 1,000 Gifts by Ann Voskamp)


This moment, right now. It matters. "Now" is not simply the passage of minutes I must endure to get to something more important. The way I talk to my children when I'm in a hurry? It matters. The moments before that anxiously anticipated 8 o'clock bedtime? It matters. Even if at 8:05 I have 10 chapters to read and three tests to study for, these moments - kissing foreheads, whispering prayers, singing "You Are My Sunshine" again and again and again.... they should be the most important and  sacred moments of my day.


My life is incredibly busy. That is no secret as I try to finish nursing school. No, as I try to finish nursing school with a 4.0. Because a "B" isn't good enough for me. (This attitude is very unattractive, and I'm not proud of it .. but I cannot deny the hold it has on me.)
I was unreasonably crushed this week when I saw my latest test grade. Depressed. Defensive. My excuse? I missed three classes these last two weeks. One absence because of medical stuff for me, and two others because of accidents Olivia (our clumsy two-year old) endured.


The consequences of missing class? A low "B" on my last test. However, I was with my baby when she hurt. Mommy was able to bring her to the emergency clinic. I was able to hold and rock her when she was hurting... reassure her when the doctor had to manipulate her little  elbow, which had slipped out of place again. It was important that I was there. While we waited to see the doctor, it broke my heart as she asked me over and over again to kiss her arm to make it better. Because she believes that Mommy can make everything better. And although I know I can't, I feel honored and proud that she believes that I can.

These little everyday mundane moments matter. I don't want to miss them. Furthermore, I want to be mentally and emotionally present - not typing on my phone or obsessing about my next test.


Because the days are long, but these years are short. And maybe I'll have my 4.0 ... but I'll also have two children who grew up while I was distracted, hurried, and impatient.


Lord, help me to see your blessings right here, right now. Help me to see how helpless I am to my own selfish pride, and how much I need you, and how much my children need me to be right here, right now, in this moment that so quickly fades away.


A few favorite moments from today.