Mommy

I became a mom about 10 weeks ago, and it is the most miraculous, demanding, thrilling, and tiring job in the world!! So much has changed since August 4th - instead of sleeping, I am feeding the baby all night; instead of taking regular showers, I am changing huge poopy diapers all day (seriously - how can such a tiny package produce so much poop??), instead of spending romantic nights alone with my husband, we collapse on the couch together at about 9 and talk about the baby's bowel movements, sleeping patterns, feeding schedule... etc. However, instead of thinking about myself all the time, I have learned that being a mom means thinking always of her first. And it was worth every minor inconvenience the day she looked up at me and smiled, the first time my voice calmed her cries, the moments I watch her snuggled up against my husband. Every single day I have the opportunity to watch mini-miracles in my daughter. As she starts to discover her hands - I am actually watching her learn about the world. I love seeing the surprise in her face when she does something new. She rolled over for the first time a couple days ago - and she looked shocked, surprised, and kind-of scared - and I loved being there to praise and reassure her.

Being a mommy also means worry. I have struggled with this - especially at the beginning. I was extremely worried about her heart condition (Wolffe Parkinsons White syndrome - her heart rate can get up to 300 bpm). I checked her heart rate 10 times a day - counting the beats for the entire minute instead of 15 or 30 seconds. I agonized over giving Isabelle her medicine - did she swallow it all? oh no, it's a few minutes late? is this really the right dosage? In addition to her heart condition, I agonized over her weight gain. If she didn't gain properly - I took it as a personal flaw in how I was nursing her. Do I have enough milk?? Am I not feeding her enough?? Do I need to wake her every two hours?? She felt so fragile to me when she was only 6 pounds. I was sure I was going to drop her - or burp her too hard - or not support her head correctly. The first weeks were pure joy and raw worry.

I have finally started to relax. I will not break my daughter! She is strong - and I am very capable of meeting all of her needs. (It also helps that my little chubber is 10 pounds now) :)

In summary - I am a new person now that I am a mother. My world revolves around my family - and honestly little else seems important at the time. God's blessings are overwhelming!